Summer is here. School is out. The pool is open. Vacations are planned. Let the lazy days begin!
I had Marla Frazee's book A Couple of Boys Have the Best Week Ever on my mind this past weekend. It is a celebration of summer and boyhood. The title kept running through my head as we began our summer vacation with a weekend trip to the mountains. School finished up (for the students) on Thursday and we scooted out of town on Friday to ride the Creeper Trail in Damascus, VA.
It was not an idyllic weekend (too many bumps and scrapes and stings for that), but it will live in my memory as one of my favorites. We stopped in Boone for dinner Friday night on our way to Damascus, walked around the small town after we arrived while Isaac rode his bike, spend hours on bikes riding down the mountain on Saturday, relaxed on the porch while Isaac played in the river, played board games, window shopped, and did an impromptu tour of Yadkin Valley wineries on our way home Sunday afternoon.
Some moments will live because of the stress they caused -- Matt's head-over-handlebars tumble, Isaac's two bee stings with accompanying blood-curdling screams, Isaac's face plant off his bike in the middle of the trail -- but they do not detract from the overall enjoyment of the weekend.
I am trying to build in more weekends like this, especially this summer when our weekends are not taken up with soccer and week nights are not devoured by homework. We may not get away for an entire weekend, but a day or night here or there to escape the routine and enjoy each other's company is a reasonable goal.
Isaac is going to camps for a few weeks and may very well have "the best week ever" with one of his friends. But I will remember our weekend away that started our summer off at a relaxing pace and look forward to a few more like it before the routine begins again in August.
Happy Trails.
07 June 2012
Time It Was and What A Time It Was
The school year is over. Isaac made it through first grade and is now officially a "rising 2nd grader." Where has the time gone? I know it is horribly cliche to ask that, but I am really having trouble grasping that the boy I picked up from school today is the same one I brought home almost seven years ago.
Isaac has grown so much this year, not just physically -- though he is several inches taller now than he was last summer. He is maturing into an honest-to-goodness KID and it won't be long before he is a YOUNG MAN.
When I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would not wish time away and would do my best to appreciate each stage of Isaac's development. Some have been easier than others to be thankful for. And at times it was hard to focus on what was "now" and not think about "soon" or "in a few months" or "next year." I tell friends that while I do not want another child, especially not another baby, I would gladly relive those days and years with Isaac. I miss HIM as a baby -- nursing him and cuddling him -- I miss HIM as toddler -- exploring and creating havoc -- I miss HIM discovering language and skills and learning about the world around him. He is not my "baby." He has become my "son." And there are times that I am not sure how we have arrived at this place.
One thing Isaac loves to do is look through the albums I have of each year since his birth. He will flip through them on his own or with Matt or I. He is filled with curiosity about what he was like when he was a baby and toddler. I like looking at the albums with him -- it's almost like reliving his early years, but without the lack of sleep. I am not sure that Matt and I are doing this "parenting" thing correctly or even very well, but as we look at the photographs of the past six years and at the person Isaac is becoming I think that maybe we are at least adequate.
In a few years, when I am wondering again how we have gotten to where we are, I think I will look back on year seven as one of my favorites. Seeing Isaac tackle more tasks on his own, watching him ride a bike for the first time, answering his questions and listening to his observations about the world -- all of these things converge in a kid that I enjoy spending time with and look forward to getting to know better.
Isaac's eighth year will bring with it many changes and plenty of challenges. I look forward to watching him grow and have new experiences. But for now I will enjoy where we are and remember where we have been. And wonder where the time has gone.
Isaac has grown so much this year, not just physically -- though he is several inches taller now than he was last summer. He is maturing into an honest-to-goodness KID and it won't be long before he is a YOUNG MAN.
When I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would not wish time away and would do my best to appreciate each stage of Isaac's development. Some have been easier than others to be thankful for. And at times it was hard to focus on what was "now" and not think about "soon" or "in a few months" or "next year." I tell friends that while I do not want another child, especially not another baby, I would gladly relive those days and years with Isaac. I miss HIM as a baby -- nursing him and cuddling him -- I miss HIM as toddler -- exploring and creating havoc -- I miss HIM discovering language and skills and learning about the world around him. He is not my "baby." He has become my "son." And there are times that I am not sure how we have arrived at this place.
One thing Isaac loves to do is look through the albums I have of each year since his birth. He will flip through them on his own or with Matt or I. He is filled with curiosity about what he was like when he was a baby and toddler. I like looking at the albums with him -- it's almost like reliving his early years, but without the lack of sleep. I am not sure that Matt and I are doing this "parenting" thing correctly or even very well, but as we look at the photographs of the past six years and at the person Isaac is becoming I think that maybe we are at least adequate.
In a few years, when I am wondering again how we have gotten to where we are, I think I will look back on year seven as one of my favorites. Seeing Isaac tackle more tasks on his own, watching him ride a bike for the first time, answering his questions and listening to his observations about the world -- all of these things converge in a kid that I enjoy spending time with and look forward to getting to know better.
Isaac's eighth year will bring with it many changes and plenty of challenges. I look forward to watching him grow and have new experiences. But for now I will enjoy where we are and remember where we have been. And wonder where the time has gone.
03 June 2012
Let's Make Some Noise
Isaac's reading has improved exponentially this year. I credit his teacher . . . everyone who knew her told us when they heard who Isaac would have for 1st grade that he would be reading by the end of the year . . . they were right.
He is more confident and much more willing to read at bedtime. He will even try reading something new on his own. The other weekend, Isaac took a book up to our bedroom to read while he waited for Matt to get ready for soccer. He sat and read Calvin and Hobbes comics, even trying to sound out words like "salubrious." This is not the same child who cried when I asked him to read last summer.
I have been bringing home books that are on his reading level to make sure he had plenty of books he could read independently. One recent one was Noisy Nora by Rosemary Wells. This was one of my childhood favorites. I remember reading about Nora and all the trouble she caused when I was Isaac's age.
Like me, he laughed when Nora's father yelled to be quiet after she dropped the marbles all over the floor and when her sister asked why she was so dumb after she flew the kite down the stairs. Isaac liked the book so much that we read it two or three nights in a row.
I didn't laugh as much this time as I re-read the book, at least not at Nora's antics. I laughed quite a bit with Isaac just because his laughter was contagious. But, now that I am an adult, Nora seems like a much more sympathetic character. She is a forgotten middle child who is vying for attention. She makes noise and creates messes to get a reaction out of her parents who are consumed with the needs of her older sister and baby brother.
I was not a forgotten middle child and Isaac does not have any siblings with whom to vie for attention. We are not Nora. But children who feel forgotten by busy parents or supplanted by a new baby will empathize with Nora, though they will hopefully find less messy ways to get attention and also feel loved as Nora finally does in the story.
He is more confident and much more willing to read at bedtime. He will even try reading something new on his own. The other weekend, Isaac took a book up to our bedroom to read while he waited for Matt to get ready for soccer. He sat and read Calvin and Hobbes comics, even trying to sound out words like "salubrious." This is not the same child who cried when I asked him to read last summer.
I have been bringing home books that are on his reading level to make sure he had plenty of books he could read independently. One recent one was Noisy Nora by Rosemary Wells. This was one of my childhood favorites. I remember reading about Nora and all the trouble she caused when I was Isaac's age.
Like me, he laughed when Nora's father yelled to be quiet after she dropped the marbles all over the floor and when her sister asked why she was so dumb after she flew the kite down the stairs. Isaac liked the book so much that we read it two or three nights in a row.
I didn't laugh as much this time as I re-read the book, at least not at Nora's antics. I laughed quite a bit with Isaac just because his laughter was contagious. But, now that I am an adult, Nora seems like a much more sympathetic character. She is a forgotten middle child who is vying for attention. She makes noise and creates messes to get a reaction out of her parents who are consumed with the needs of her older sister and baby brother.
I was not a forgotten middle child and Isaac does not have any siblings with whom to vie for attention. We are not Nora. But children who feel forgotten by busy parents or supplanted by a new baby will empathize with Nora, though they will hopefully find less messy ways to get attention and also feel loved as Nora finally does in the story.
12 May 2012
On to the Wild Rumpus In the Sky
Maurice Sendak died this week. We pulled Where the Wild Things Are out of the book bin to read Tuesday night after hearing about his death earlier that day. We had not read it in a while as Isaac works on his own reading and requests chapter books most nights when we read to him. But Tuesday evening was sad for a couple of reasons and Sendak's classic fit the mood perfectly.
The classic story of childhood mischief and search for acceptance and security is one that resonates through the ages and will remain a childhood staple. It has been dramatized, surprisingly well, and mass-marketed, but it has not lost its impact. The text seems simple but it speaks to people of all ages, at every stage of life.
Shortly after his death, articles about his life appeared, remembrances were broadcast on talk shows, classic interviews were posted, and Facebook statuses were updated with quotes from his book. I thought back on my own association with his work, mostly connected to his most well known book -- the times I have read it aloud to classes and the lessons that have accompanied it, reading it to Isaac since he was an infant, making Isaac's wolf costume so he could be Max on Halloween when he was a toddler, seeing the movie and reflecting on how the meaning of the story shifts as a person's world view expands.
The remembrances are important. Sendak is an important author/illustrator in the history of children's literature. But when I told Isaac that Sendak had died as we prepared to read Where the Wild Things Are the other night, I couldn't help but wonder how many other families might be doing that same thing in other houses across the country. It seemed like the most fitting remembrance of the day.
The classic story of childhood mischief and search for acceptance and security is one that resonates through the ages and will remain a childhood staple. It has been dramatized, surprisingly well, and mass-marketed, but it has not lost its impact. The text seems simple but it speaks to people of all ages, at every stage of life.
Shortly after his death, articles about his life appeared, remembrances were broadcast on talk shows, classic interviews were posted, and Facebook statuses were updated with quotes from his book. I thought back on my own association with his work, mostly connected to his most well known book -- the times I have read it aloud to classes and the lessons that have accompanied it, reading it to Isaac since he was an infant, making Isaac's wolf costume so he could be Max on Halloween when he was a toddler, seeing the movie and reflecting on how the meaning of the story shifts as a person's world view expands.
The remembrances are important. Sendak is an important author/illustrator in the history of children's literature. But when I told Isaac that Sendak had died as we prepared to read Where the Wild Things Are the other night, I couldn't help but wonder how many other families might be doing that same thing in other houses across the country. It seemed like the most fitting remembrance of the day.
01 May 2012
What Is Marriage?: A Letter to Our Son Explaining Why We Will Vote Against Amendment One
Dear Isaac,
As we write this, you are 6 and one half years old (we know that that half is very important to you). You have been asking some questions recently that we have tried to answer in such a way that your 6 ½ year old brain will understand. But your questions have brought up issues that you will have to wrestle with long past your next birthday, so we are writing this letter to help you find the answers you will need later.
When you asked us what “marriage” is your father told you what we believe. It is a partnership; a commitment that two people make to each other; an invitation for another person to permanently become part of your family. When you asked us who can get married we told you that legally a man and woman can be married, but there were other couples that wanted to be able to marry each other. And we told you that we believe they should be able to be married because any two people who want to be in a marriage partnership and make a commitment to each other and create a family should have the right to do so.
Marriage for any couple is not easy. It requires work and communication. We work very hard at our marriage, as do many other people. We each bring strengths to our partnership and we try to balance out each other’s weaknesses. You do not realize it now, but you recognize our strengths and weaknesses, even though you are still only 6 ½ years old. When you ask tough questions, like the one that this letter is trying to answer, you usually ask your father first, while you go to your mother for more practical needs. Your dad is the thinker, you mom is the doer. But never think that your father speaks only for himself when he answers your questions. If we do not have time to talk about how to respond before he gives an explanation, then we talk about what he told you afterwards. Because parenting you is an important aspect of our relationship and before you were born we agreed that we would be partners in raising you just as we are partners in our marriage.
Marriages are not static, Isaac. They change and evolve, just as people change and evolve. We are not the same people who married each other almost 15 years ago, and our relationship has gone through many phases. We would probably have answered this question differently when we were first married because we had not taken the time to think and question and debate then as we have since. And that is one important lesson that we hope you take away from this letter. We want you to be able to find your own answers. We are giving you our thoughts and explaining our beliefs, but you need to decide for yourself as you grow what you will believe and what you will tell your own children when they ask what marriage means.
You asked about marriage because you have observed and overheard us talking about an issue that upsets us. It has been proposed that an Amendment be added to our state constitution which would state that some of the people that we believe should be able to be married would never have the right to do so. Isaac, what you cannot fully understand right now is how important it is to comprehend what this Amendment will do and how it is different from simply passing a law. A law can be changed by the people whom we elect to represent us. An Amendment has to be approved by the people of the state and cannot be changed again unless the people want it to be. A law can be temporary; an amendment is all but permanent or, at the very least, hard to change. Throughout history there have been laws that have taken away rights from groups of people and there have been other laws that have given back those rights. Historically, amendments are used most of the time to protect rights or give people more rights. Rarely are amendments used to take away rights. But that is what Amendment One does and that is why we and so many other people that you know are upset about it.
We told you that a legal marriage is between a man and a woman and there is a law in our state that says that only men and women can be married. So, passing an amendment to the constitution is not necessary and will not change anything that couples can do in our state. But it could take away rights and protections from a lot of people that would be almost impossible to give back. This is called discrimination. It is a word that you will hear again and again because, unfortunately, there will always be people who want to take away rights or privileges from another group. What you will need to do, Isaac, is learn to recognize discrimination and decide how you will respond to it.
We are not political people. We vote because we believe it is our responsibility as citizens, but we don’t put candidates’ yard signs in front of our house, we don’t put stickers for political issues on our cars, we don’t wear buttons or t-shirts supporting political parties. We typically just don’t get involved because our everyday lives are very often not much affected by the outcome of the contest. But for this vote, this question, we feel differently. On this issue we have decided that we will post the sign and wear the buttons and speak out because this time the issue is personal and, while it does not affect our marriage, it hurts people that we care about. And we believe it is wrong.
Many times when issues like this marriage amendment are being debated, people on both sides will try to use God and religion to support their arguments. It will be up to you, Isaac, to listen and discern where the truth lies. And ultimately, to come to your own decision about what is right. Don’t be manipulated by emotional ploys or messages meant to make you fearful. As your parents, we will guide you for as long as we can, but we will try not to tell you what you have to believe. We hope that you will follow our example, which is one of the reasons we are being more vocal about the marriage amendment than we have been on issues in the past. But there will be times when your beliefs clash with ours or you disagree with positions we take. You may ultimately disagree with us about this very issue. But one thing we want you to always remember is that even if we disagree, you are our son and we love you.
We will be honest, Isaac, and tell you that we are worried that this Amendment will pass. If it does, then there is more work to do to try to repeal it. But, there is work to do even if it does not pass, because, though the Amendment may not be added to the state constitution, there will still be people who believe it should be and there will still be laws that discriminate. One day, many years from now, we hope to see you in a partnership with a person to whom you choose to make a commitment and invite into our family. You may decide to make the relationship a legal marriage, or you may not. What we want for you is to have that choice without the fear of losing the rights that choosing marriage would give you.
So, son, we hope this helps you understand what we believe about marriage. We are glad you asked the question because formulating our response helps us think through the issue and refine our beliefs. It also shows us that you possess enough confidence in us as parents to ask tough questions and that you trust us to tell you the truth. Thank you for that and for challenging us to be better parents and better people.
With Love and Laughter,
Mom and Dad
As we write this, you are 6 and one half years old (we know that that half is very important to you). You have been asking some questions recently that we have tried to answer in such a way that your 6 ½ year old brain will understand. But your questions have brought up issues that you will have to wrestle with long past your next birthday, so we are writing this letter to help you find the answers you will need later.
When you asked us what “marriage” is your father told you what we believe. It is a partnership; a commitment that two people make to each other; an invitation for another person to permanently become part of your family. When you asked us who can get married we told you that legally a man and woman can be married, but there were other couples that wanted to be able to marry each other. And we told you that we believe they should be able to be married because any two people who want to be in a marriage partnership and make a commitment to each other and create a family should have the right to do so.
Marriage for any couple is not easy. It requires work and communication. We work very hard at our marriage, as do many other people. We each bring strengths to our partnership and we try to balance out each other’s weaknesses. You do not realize it now, but you recognize our strengths and weaknesses, even though you are still only 6 ½ years old. When you ask tough questions, like the one that this letter is trying to answer, you usually ask your father first, while you go to your mother for more practical needs. Your dad is the thinker, you mom is the doer. But never think that your father speaks only for himself when he answers your questions. If we do not have time to talk about how to respond before he gives an explanation, then we talk about what he told you afterwards. Because parenting you is an important aspect of our relationship and before you were born we agreed that we would be partners in raising you just as we are partners in our marriage.
Marriages are not static, Isaac. They change and evolve, just as people change and evolve. We are not the same people who married each other almost 15 years ago, and our relationship has gone through many phases. We would probably have answered this question differently when we were first married because we had not taken the time to think and question and debate then as we have since. And that is one important lesson that we hope you take away from this letter. We want you to be able to find your own answers. We are giving you our thoughts and explaining our beliefs, but you need to decide for yourself as you grow what you will believe and what you will tell your own children when they ask what marriage means.
You asked about marriage because you have observed and overheard us talking about an issue that upsets us. It has been proposed that an Amendment be added to our state constitution which would state that some of the people that we believe should be able to be married would never have the right to do so. Isaac, what you cannot fully understand right now is how important it is to comprehend what this Amendment will do and how it is different from simply passing a law. A law can be changed by the people whom we elect to represent us. An Amendment has to be approved by the people of the state and cannot be changed again unless the people want it to be. A law can be temporary; an amendment is all but permanent or, at the very least, hard to change. Throughout history there have been laws that have taken away rights from groups of people and there have been other laws that have given back those rights. Historically, amendments are used most of the time to protect rights or give people more rights. Rarely are amendments used to take away rights. But that is what Amendment One does and that is why we and so many other people that you know are upset about it.
We told you that a legal marriage is between a man and a woman and there is a law in our state that says that only men and women can be married. So, passing an amendment to the constitution is not necessary and will not change anything that couples can do in our state. But it could take away rights and protections from a lot of people that would be almost impossible to give back. This is called discrimination. It is a word that you will hear again and again because, unfortunately, there will always be people who want to take away rights or privileges from another group. What you will need to do, Isaac, is learn to recognize discrimination and decide how you will respond to it.
We are not political people. We vote because we believe it is our responsibility as citizens, but we don’t put candidates’ yard signs in front of our house, we don’t put stickers for political issues on our cars, we don’t wear buttons or t-shirts supporting political parties. We typically just don’t get involved because our everyday lives are very often not much affected by the outcome of the contest. But for this vote, this question, we feel differently. On this issue we have decided that we will post the sign and wear the buttons and speak out because this time the issue is personal and, while it does not affect our marriage, it hurts people that we care about. And we believe it is wrong.
Many times when issues like this marriage amendment are being debated, people on both sides will try to use God and religion to support their arguments. It will be up to you, Isaac, to listen and discern where the truth lies. And ultimately, to come to your own decision about what is right. Don’t be manipulated by emotional ploys or messages meant to make you fearful. As your parents, we will guide you for as long as we can, but we will try not to tell you what you have to believe. We hope that you will follow our example, which is one of the reasons we are being more vocal about the marriage amendment than we have been on issues in the past. But there will be times when your beliefs clash with ours or you disagree with positions we take. You may ultimately disagree with us about this very issue. But one thing we want you to always remember is that even if we disagree, you are our son and we love you.
We will be honest, Isaac, and tell you that we are worried that this Amendment will pass. If it does, then there is more work to do to try to repeal it. But, there is work to do even if it does not pass, because, though the Amendment may not be added to the state constitution, there will still be people who believe it should be and there will still be laws that discriminate. One day, many years from now, we hope to see you in a partnership with a person to whom you choose to make a commitment and invite into our family. You may decide to make the relationship a legal marriage, or you may not. What we want for you is to have that choice without the fear of losing the rights that choosing marriage would give you.
So, son, we hope this helps you understand what we believe about marriage. We are glad you asked the question because formulating our response helps us think through the issue and refine our beliefs. It also shows us that you possess enough confidence in us as parents to ask tough questions and that you trust us to tell you the truth. Thank you for that and for challenging us to be better parents and better people.
With Love and Laughter,
Mom and Dad
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